So I've found that I'm not as good at keeping up with my resolutions as I should be. It's been two weeks and I've still yet to attend a yoga class. I also skipped church today, which granted, I have two more Sundays in the month to hit my goal for January... But I also know that Chili Cookoff is in the month of January, and I will most likely not be able to attend Church that day. C'est la vie. Furthermore, I went more than a week without blogging. Gah. Oh well... At the end of the day/week, as long as I strive to meet my goals, I should feel accomplished.
I've realized though that I really don't have much to write about in my blog. I'm not a very open person anymore... (Thank you high school and the dramatic outcomes of live-journaling your every thought.) I feel that it's really none of my readers' business to know exactly what's going on in my life -- but then again isn't that the point of a blog?
I suppose my biggest struggle this week has been toying with when to be completely honest and open without holding back, and when to reserve yourself. How do you know who to tell your every thought and whim? How do you guarantee that you won't get hurt? For control freaks like me, letting go is a big deal. And the last time I did that, I ended up devastated. Over a guy who I barely knew. So how do I find the right time to trust? Who do I trust? And why on earth can't I just be handed a good man to take care of? God knows I'd be good at it.
I think that for now I try and sort out the job thing and leave the partner for another day, though I can't stop thinking about the last one. Or overanalyzing how it all went wrong. People say that it's not me to be that upset about something like this. That I should be bouncing back and moving along because I have so much to offer. And while, I'll admit, the guy I'm supposed to be with will probably not pull the shit that this one pulled, I'll also admit, that had you given me a pen and a piece of paper describing my perfect mate, he would have fit it to a T. I suppose that in all of this, that's what's getting to me. The one I thought was perfect, didn't find me irresistably perfect too. And that leaves my fairytale view of love a little deflated. Can you put more air in a balloon if the knot's already been tied?
Which begs the question -- should I keep looking for a guy that fits my list to a T? Or should I "settle" so to speak, for those that don't fit that list perfectly. This whole dating process is a mystery to me. A painful, hilarious, obnoxious ritual that I'm really not all that fond of. I question how some people regard it as fun. Oh well. At least my current streak has been with gentlemen who have grabbed the check -- And I haven't heard the phrase "Maybe you can man me up a bit...". That alone has given me a little more faith in the male species. Gah. All I want is a relationship where the guy gets me. And let's be real -- I'm a woman. It's not the easiest thing to "get" us.. But I know it's possible. Work with me here, guys!
In short, I suppose this week's ramblings are a jumble of a mess. But then again, that's how my life has been these past few days... I'm praying to be a little more concise and cohesive next week. I'm also planning on making some beautifully dainty cake pops for my Church's Tea Party on Saturday, so hopefully the recipes and some pretty pictures will go up as well. Have a great week, ya'll. <3
As far as relationships go, I am no expert, but I will say this: never settle, and be open-minded. I think a lot of people out there settle for the guy they've been with the longest, who comes around at the time in their life when they are "supposed" to get married. So they marry him, because that's what is expected. To me, it's no wonder so many marriages don't work out. People are pressured to settle down and pick someone.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I'm not sure anyone ever fits the list perfectly. For me, Rob fit the most important things on my list. We share core values. In my mind, that's the most important thing. We disagree on certain things, and we are very different people, but at the end of the day we both have the same priorities. I think in my situation, God really knew what was best for me. I probably would have picked a much more social person than Rob if I'd been looking for something on my list. Or a guy who was really spontaneous and always surprising me with romantic gestures. Rob is neither one of those things, but I know he's the guy God had in mind. For all the things he isn't, he *is* a million more wonderful things that I really need.
Okay, I wrote a novel. But you get the idea. <3
hey Karli... i don't know if this is even relevant, but while reading this blog, it's what popped into my mind, so i would like to share it with you. You seem like you are very well-read, so you may have seen this before. if so, have a little re-read. and if not, i hope you like it :)
ReplyDeletei don't know if you'd call it a poem, or prose, or freestyle, or whatever?? it's titled "The Desiderata" it was written by a guy named Max Ehrmann sometime in the 1920's. it is one of my favorite pieces...
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
be cheerful and strive to be happy.